May 31, 2013

My dearest Babyson,

Today is May 31, 2013. It’s Jino’s birthday & you are 15 years old. I want you to remember this day because this is the day that you broke mommy’s heart.

You were puking drunk when I picked you up from the party. You were puking still as we carried you out from the car and up the stairs. You were dead drunk as I wiped your brow with soapy water & cleaned you up the best that I can. You were heavy but we managed to change you into clean clothes as your old clothes were soiled to the core with your vomit.

As a mother who tried to be your friend, I understand. Believe me, my son when I say I understand. Had I not been lenient? Had I not been “cool” ? I too have been through this phase. I know the peer pressure, the chanting, the feeling of “happy floating” that alcohol brings. But as your mother, I must say that I am very disappointed in you. I thought we had an understanding. I misunderstood.

It was only a year ago that 4 of your young friends who had so much promise & potential died because of alcohol abuse & it’s consequence. Have we not learned anything from it? Do you think their parents wake up every day not feeling the pain as if their hearts were being stabbed over & over knowing they will never ever see their sons in this lifetime ever again. NEVER AGAIN. Do you even comprehend the meaning of that?

I thank my lucky stars that you got drunk in a place I know, surrounded by people we know. I thank my lucky stars that I picked you up & you didn’t have to ride with other drunk kids. I thank my lucky stars that you were with your sister & you had someone watching out for you because mommy was not able to.

What if. What if you got drunk in a place full of strangers? What if you got drunk in a place I didn’t have access to. What if you got drunk & mommy wasn’t there to pick you up? What if you got drunk & you were alone with no one to turn to? This makes me shudder in fear, and I pray that it will never happen.

I can never force you to stay away from alcohol & other vices. As you grow older, you will meet people who will try to influence you. It is your choice, and your choice alone. You have to be the one who decides that this is not the lifestyle you want to take. I just hope & pray that you will never forget this experience where you were puking your guts out, begging it to stop. I want you to never forget the dizziness & pounding headache. Because I know ultimately, this experience will save you in the future.

Being drunk & getting drunk is not a guarantee for happiness, my son. Just because it’s someone’s birthday doesn’t mean you will make them happy if you get drunk with them. Or you will make it their best birthday ever by drinking beyond your limits. You, my son, are not the end-all to their happiness, I’m sorry to say. Their happiness DOES NOT lie on you. You must learn to put a limit & know what yours is. You must not cave in to peer pressure if you know it will hurt your body. It makes you the bigger person.

I am writing this letter here to remind you, even when I’m long gone, that once upon a time, what you did broke your mommy’s heart. And hopefully, this will stop you from committing the same mistake in the future. If you love me enough, value yourself. You are my life. Do you know how much I love you? I practically live for you. Do you know what will happen to me if something bad happens to you? You will crush me, undoubtedly.

My dear babyson. I really hope that this is the first & the last time that you get yourself drunk. I know there will be parties -crazy parties, I’m not saying don’t drink. Just know your limits. Learn how and WHEN to say NO. Don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself. Love yourself, because your mommy loves you a whole bunch.

Yours,

Mommy

Jonah & Jino. Partners in crime!