The semicolon represents a writer’s intention to end a sentence, but instead continues it. It is the perfect symbol to keep living life despite wanting to end it.

Today marks the 9th day since my BFF’s son passed away due to depression. I’ve heard of these types of tragedies in the news & through stories from acquaintances, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would happen to someone so close to me. Someone who is practically my sister. </3

Read about CLINICAL DEPRESSION here.

When I was young -around 9 or 10, my cousin took his own life by jumping from the Jones Bridge. He caught a (treatable) disease due to his indiscretion, but was ashamed of the repercussion & afraid of the consequence. And so he took the “easier” way out by jumping into the river instead of begging his wife for forgiveness. He was fished out & immediately brought to our hospital in Manila, bloated & reeking of dirty water. His mom, his wife, and the rest of the family were inconsolable. He left behind a devoted wife & a very young daughter.

I didn’t understand it then, and after so many years and life experiences later, I still don’t understand it now. Why? Why would anyone take their own life? What would be so frustrating & hopeless that you would choose to end your life?

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I am fortunate to not have to know the answer to this question, and I am so blessed to not have to experience such pain & confusion -to feel that dying is better than living.

Her son jumped from the rooftop of his 4-storey dorm Tuesday, a day after Kap’s birthday. He was rushed to the hospital right across thinking he could still make it, but unfortunately, he expired shortly after his fall & was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. That day, my friend’s world crumbled, her life would never ever be the same.

Due to complicated relationships with some family members, she hadn’t seen or spoken to her son for more than a year. Then the next time she was finally able to see him, he was already an empty, broken shell lying so still. I can’t even imagine the pain she went through seeing him like that, lifeless -every mother’s worst nightmare.

The following days, every day until the very last, we went to the wake to mourn & grieve with the family. But really, how can you comfort a mourning mother? A grieving father? What words can you say that would ease the pain? Nothing. All we could do was watch helplessly as she cried tear after heart-breaking tear, asking the question WHY? Why?

The heart asks WHY? The answer is blowing in the wind. Young people kill themselves mainly for one reason: they cannot believe their lives are precious enough to make them worth living. Despair, depression, hopelessness, self-loathing– these are the killers.

Her son was a 4th year med student starting his clerical year. Just one year short of his title as an MD, but the stress & studying proved too much for him. That, and so many other personal things led to his favor of an early demise.

He was only 22. He had so many beautiful things going on for him, so many wonderful things to look forward to. He had a great life. He was able to travel far & wide and see so many interesting places, eat appetizing food, enjoy fascinating life experiences that only a few fortunate souls could. He had his own driver, a car, a condo. He was doted on by his family. He had friends & he went to a good school. And yet, in the end, these didn’t save him. These trimmings weren’t enough to make him want to stay alive.

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The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said, those that are never explained.

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In tears, the mother asked me, “Dearest, will he be accepted into heaven?” I replied, “Dearest, our God is a loving & forgiving God. We don’t know what His will is, but we do know that He is good & merciful. That is the only thing we can hold on to now”

The Bible mentions six specific people who committed suicide: Abimelech (Judges 9:54), Saul (1 Samuel 31:4), Saul’s armor-bearer (1 Samuel 31:4–6), Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23), Zimri (1 Kings 16:18), and Judas (Matthew 27:5). Five of these men were noted for their wickedness (the exception is Saul’s armor-bearer—nothing is said of his character). Some consider Samson’s death an instance of suicide, because he knew his actions would lead to his death (Judges 16:26–31), but Samson’s goal was to kill Philistines, not himself.

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According to the Bible, suicide is a sin. But surely, it does not determine a person’s eternal destiny -for only God can decide that. Suicide definitely has a deep and lasting impact on those left behind, and the painful scars left by a suicide do not heal easily. May God grant His grace to each one who is facing trials today (Psalm 67:1). And may each of us take hope in the promise, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13).

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I hope & pray that her son was able to call on the name of our Lord & Savior shortly before he jumped to his death. Only God can determine our final destiny. He is good, all the time, and I am consoled in the fact that our God is a loving God, full of compassion & mercy. I know in my heart that He has this lost-but-now-found child in His bosom, and that he has finally found his peace & happiness in Jesus Christ. <3

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Guys, I beg of you. Please consider your actions carefully. Before making a decision to end your life, reach out to people who can help you. Pray. Read the Bible because in it, you will find the answers you are looking for. Search for God because only He can fill the emptiness in your heart.

And think of the consequences. You are leaving behind distressed parents whose questions will never be answered. That is the WORST thing you could ever do to people who loved & cared for you all your life. And more importantly, you are taking away God’s right to end your life when He sees fit. He is the Giver of life, and only in His hands we should commit the end of our lives.

The Department of Health, together with the World Health Organization and Natasha Goulbourn Foundation, launched Hopeline, a 24/7 suicide prevention hotline in Manila. Hopeline may be reached at (02) 804-4637; 0917-5584673; and 2919 for Globe and TM subscribers for FREE. Manila Lifeline Centre Hotline: (02) 8969191
Mobile Phone: 0917 854 9191. Do call for assistance, every life matters. #KeepGoing

Our deepest condolences & sincerest sympathies to the family so suddenly left behind. :'(