The title of my blogpost today is Heart of a Tiger. Let me tell you a little story about my not so little tigress. <3

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O tiger’s heart wrapped in a woman’s hide! -William Shakespeare

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My not so little Tigress has been my companion for 2 straight years since we decided to homeschool. She has been my shadow, my best friend, my eating buddy, my shopping buddy, my accomplice, my assistant, my partner in crime, my everything! I have actually been dreading the days leading to the moment when she actually has to go off to college & leave me.

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It is not part of a true culture to tame tigers, any more than it is to make sheep ferocious. One way or the other, I have to learn to let go of my cub & stop treating her like a lamb.

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I am such a bad & selfish mommy. My anxiety must have rubbed off on her because the 2 years that she has spent with me, I saw her grow in strength & beauty. She became independent & I can actually count on her to do some serious shizz for me. But all of a sudden, she too became extra clingy & started mentioning how she wishes she can just stay home with me. I started seeing fear in her eyes which reflected from mine.

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“If we choose to walk into a forest where a tiger lives, we are taking a chance. If we swim in a river where crocodiles live, we are taking a chance. If we visit the desert or climb a mountain or enter a swamp where snakes have managed to survive, we are taking a chance.” – Peter Benchley LIFE is about taking chances.

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That’s when I realized I gotta pull my shit together. I am breaking my own child because of my weakness when it comes to my family. </3

Even as a youngster, my Bae has always been independent. One time during grade school -I think she was around 10, she had me sign a waiver. She & some of her classmates & a teacher had to go to the grocery to buy supplies for school. They were going to ride the school service & she was so excited & happy.

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A Tiger father begets a tiger son. Why am I even surprised that you are a little tiger cub when clearly, you take after your mommy. 🙂 #braveheart #havecourageandbekind

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But then, I started manifesting my fears to the point that on the day itself, she chickened out & didn’t want to go to the grocery anymore. I totally ruined it for her. I chastised myself for showing her my weakness when all I want is for my kids -my girls especially, to be strong & independent. Not having to rely on anyone for their disposition in life, whatever it may be.

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I made a conscious effort not to do it again, and yet a decade later, a repeat! When will I ever learn, hay.

Yesterday, she came home from school, once again after so many years in tears & with a heavy heart. This is all me. I have planted a seed of weakness in her & it has grown. I have to kill it before it develops further. Before it completely destroys her.

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For 2 straight weeks, I went with her & stayed in the condo while waiting 8 hours each day in a 20 sq.m. room. More for my sake really than hers. @_@ I needed to know that she could reach me any time of the day if & when she needed her mommy. Turns out, she is her own woman. I needed her more than she needed me. 😛

Hehehe, my poor Bae, she had investigative reporters all over campus reporting directly to her stalker mommy! ;)) Her Kuya has been a pillar of strength (again, more for me, but also for her) as he guided her around school & assisted her in every way possible to get used to her new home for the next 4 years.

She really has a whole slew of support system backing her up. Thankful for Ate‘s BFFs PAT & ALEX who sent our dearest Bae letters of encouragement & support huhu. Pero parang yung nanay yata ang mas may kailangan! ;))

Even our favorite wonder twins, Adrielle & Adrianne, Neni’s achi & dichi, along with her ahia Benedict, came in full force & visited her in her condo (and bearing gifts too!) as a show of support. So. Much. Love!! <3 Thank you!!

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I am a tiger mom, and tiger parenting is all about raising independent, creative, courageous kids. I have no choice but to embrace it. So Bae, you’re on your own na from this day forward. I followed you around campus & watched you cross the streets, but apparently, you’re more able than I give you credit for. You’re brave & strong, you never really needed me. It’s more of me needing to see for myself that my baby cub will be ok in the jungle. #amothersjob Don’t you worry, Raksha (ninang Mae ), Baloo (kuya) & Bagheera (KTcakes) will continue to watch over you in my absence, Lol.

And after 2 weeks of my ninja moves & stealth – not to mention unnecessarily worrying & many sleepless nights, I realized that you’re gonna be a-ok. You’re tough just the way I have raised you all to be (how I wish I can be tough too when it comes to you guys).

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Isang hiling ko lang, wag ka muna mag-public transport please? Hindi pa kaya ng dibdib ko. Dahan-dahanin lang natin ok? ;P

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Bae, always remember that you have a heart of a tiger. You are the strong one, I am the weakling. Don’t allow my fears to stop you from growing. You are your own person, don’t let me hold you back even if I beg. I know it’s time for you to spread your wings, so I am releasing you even with a forlorn heart. Be whole in my brokeness. Never let anyone hold you down, not even me. I hope you find solid friends in college who will be good to you & kind just like the ones you have back home. And that you will get to enjoy your 4 years in your new home away from home.

Thank you for being the most loving, most caring, most helpful child ever. I don’t know what I’ll do or how I’ll function without you by my side. It’s like a limb is being torn off my body slowly & painfully. Sino na ang yaya ko? Sino na ang driver ko? Sino na ang assistant ko???

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Always remember my advice: 1) matutong kumain sa Mang Tootz, pero laging magdala ng sanitizer at babywipes pang punas ng kubyertos. 2) Look left & right when crossing the streets, wa pake sayo ang mga jeep kaya gora takbo -kalimutan mo na ang poise at kembot. Ang importante makatawid ka at hindi masagasaan ng mga smoke belchers. 3) English is good, but Tagalog is the vernacular in España lol. Kaya wag ka nang magpaka-conyo utang na loob. (ie: Miss can I buy 2 of those tusok-tusok thingys? or: Miss, do you have boba? Anak ibang BOBA ang version nila!) Hindi uso dun, take it from me. #alumna #alamna

ILY to the moon & back, to infinity & beyond. #mymp my darling. I’m already so proud of you but a little more won’t hurt hehe. So GO. Yan ang apelyido mo, might as well panindigan mo na. I love you my Giblings. Thank you for going easy on me & making parenting so manageable & likeable. Your growing up years have brought so much joy & accomplishment in my life. And being a stay-at-home mom has been my biggest fulfillment & dream come true. Thank you for being the best kids ever! <3

I know that Dad & I have equipped you well, so now we’ll just sit back & watch you continue to grow in strength & beauty in your journey as adults. We are behind you all the way, kids. Go with God & love each other always. :-*

And now, help me to become strong as well. I have seen for myself how independent you can be, how well you have made friends, how you can do so many things on your own without mommy. Go. Do. Be.

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